I am comfortable saying that I have several true friends with whom I have communicated regularly. However, since the dawn of electronic communication, our personal interactions have been lacking. In our attempt to feel connected, I find that we are often more distant, more isolated than before. Our society has invested in amazing mass communication technology, but we have fallen short of coupling that with the humanity that lies within true knowledge of another.
I do not wish to sound like one of those people that pine for the "good ol' days". Progress is inevitable and should be welcomed as it provides us with tools that make our lives easier and more convenient. What I am suggesting is that we spend more time out in the world and less time sitting and staring at an illuminated screen to determine what our friends our doing or feeling.
A dear friend of mine often chastises me for not phoning him more often. Mea Culpa! He is correct. I have grown victim to opting for email or text messages to stay in touch. However, nothing says more to your friend than to hear your voice. I also have a friend who still writes letters, by hand if you can believe that, and mails them to me. No, he doesn't scan and email them, he actually puts a postage stamp on them and places them in the mail. I always feel great when I see a letter from him in my mailbox and have saved every one of them.
I know it seems difficult in our alleged busy lives to take the time to really connect. I am guilty of this same condition. However, ask yourself (if you are over 35 anyway), what you did before all of this communication technology existed. Were you less busy then? Probably not. When you wanted to go out to dinner with a friend you actually had to pick up a phone and call them. Was it that difficult?
So let's pull ourselves out of the house, away from the desk, and not take our "busy-ness" so seriously. Be human.
In Defense of Solitude - (edited and updated 1/7/2024)
I am sitting on my patio and enjoying choral masterpieces, a
fine red wine, and a great cigar. The chill that is normally present in the
October evening is replaced by a pleasant breeze. The cacophony of the crickets
jealously competes with my music. A
delicate breeze blows an autumn harvest of leaves around my feet, and they
twirl and dance in the natural choreography. It is as if the universe is smiling
upon me.
Why then do I feel such torpor, such solitude, such
melancholy? I know not. The affairs of time have cast a benevolent light upon
me. However, the same aforementioned wind blows through the holes in my heart
and whispers a song that is sad, yet somehow satisfying.
I have, like most, toiled in love's cruel game of
presentation and redaction. This has left me somewhat hollow of heart. Many
present themselves as wishing to chain your soul with kind words and dear
promises only to turnabout upon them in nary a fortnight. Though I have fallen
prey to this throughout my existence I refuse to disallow myself to feel love
again, even if so temporal.
Love, in its nature, is ethereal and fleeting. The only sure
way to have constancy in love is to direct it inward. That's not to deny others
the gift of your affection but to place paramount the love of self.
Very often we confuse amorous feelings with love, but amor is
desire and wanting. True love is neither desirous nor greedy. True love is
unconditional. However, it is human nature to place conditions on our affairs
with others. If we give love, we wish for it in return. This is therefore
desiring and wanting the affection of another. When this desired reciprocity
misses the mark, we call it unrequited. Yet truly we alone miss the point when
we expect such equitable results.
When two people, whether intimate partners, friends, or
family give love without wanting the bounty is overwhelming. We can go about
our existence knowing our disposition of love is genuine. This is why the
unconditional love of self reigns in its importance. This is why solitude isn't
to be judged but welcomed. It is that respite that allows us to focus on the
inevitability of life with open minds and hearts.
Who Are We, and What Do We Want? - (Edited and updated 1/7/2024)
Everyone wants something, and
I'm no exception. This missive is not about me whining about anything. Nor is
it about the jackals and fools that have occupied much of my space and time
during this past year; nor about missed opportunities due to action or
inaction; nor about external or internal circumstances that have led me to this
juncture. No, this is about the truth of human behavior.
A wise friend once told me,
"You only have yourself to blame for where you are". I was unwilling
to take this as constructive commentary at that time, and instead internalized
and personalized the comment as a personal affront. That was several years ago
and circumstances are vastly different. He was correct, and I can
"blame" all my successes and failures on the premise that it is all
about my choices and courses of action/inaction.
We have ourselves to thank for where we are in life. Every
decision we make is split. The etymology of the word "decision" will
demonstrate the clarity of its very definition and applicability herein.
I am as guilty as all when I
lament past decisions and the direction in which they've guided me. This is
human nature. Most people never graduate from their adolescent ideals of what
is "right" or "wrong". There is no right or wrong, only the
decision made and its consequence. Grow up and deal with how unsatisfying life
can be at times but take appropriate responsibility. Be realistic and
understand that no matter the intentions or actions of someone else, you only
have yourself to hold as the responsible party. This is not to say that good
wishes or someone's prayer or thoughts can't be accepted, but they do nothing
but offer temporary solace. Action requires effort. Passive effort is
balderdash and essentially meaningless. When someone offers "comfort from
their couch", graciously nod and maybe smile, but take it for what it is.
When you offer help to someone,
make sure it's something of use. A hug is nice, but only emotionally useful
until the embrace ends. If you want to help a hungry person, give them food. If
you care, in any capacity, do something viable. Let's be honest, it's human to
act out of wants and needs. You don't go to the grocer and expect to have
surgery, as you wouldn't go to the surgeon and ask for a loaf of bread. We are
what we bring to the proverbial table.
If you want to learn how to
build a bridge, learn architecture, engineering, and construction. It doesn't
mean you'll ever actually build one, but again that's up to the individual. I
spend hours reading and learning new skills or simply knowledge almost every
day. Knowledge is a good beginning step, but only useful when applied to skill
and utilized through productive action. This will usually require sincere
dedication and years of effort.
Good examples are my friends and
colleagues who engage in artistic endeavors. These are performers, actors,
singers, and other such talent. I cannot say that all of them are particularly
proficient in their chosen artistic endeavor, but they have managed to create a
positive situation out of the skill of self-promotion and have turned their
ability and artistic talents into a viable "resource" that people
consume. I commend this as they have acted based on a vision that was
self-motivated. I've also noticed that they, intentionally or not, surround
themselves with people who offer something toward their success, and tolerate
little else (save for the few that are ego motivated who enjoy the glory as
much, if not more than, the financial benefits). I don't deny the entertainer
their share of ego-based indulgence, as this is something that allows them to
be more creative in future performances and continue to please the audience. To
wit, the performer's "job" is to please the audience. Each successful
performance will lead to the next.
I have used performers as an
example due to my close work with many, as a talent agent, since 2008. This
example can be applied to any job or function. First responders are constantly
training to improve their awareness and effectiveness. Doctors, lawyers, and
other professionals undergo continuing education as a means of development and
often to maintain their professional license or certification to operate within
their profession.
The best salesmen are the ones
who close the deal plain and simple. Certainly, there are skills and talents
required to sell, such as being attentive to your client’s needs and/or
desires, but the salesman knows the only thing that matters for success in
their profession is turning potential into action – the close.
You need to bring what people
want or need, and if you cannot or haven't yet adopted a skill, then acquiesce,
and learn a way to make yourself useful. Always find the best fit between what
you offer and what the recipient wants. Otherwise, you spend most of your time
being unsatisfied and frustrating others.
Everyone wants something, and
I'm no exception. This missive is not about me whining about anything. Nor is
it about the jackals and fools that have occupied much of my space and time
during this past year; nor about missed opportunities due to action or
inaction; nor about external or internal circumstances that have led me to this
juncture. No, this is about the truth of human behavior.
A wise friend once told me,
"You only have yourself to blame for where you are". I was unwilling
to take this as constructive commentary at that time, and instead internalized
and personalized the comment as a personal affront. That was several years ago
and circumstances are vastly different. He was correct, and I can
"blame" all my successes and failures on the premise that it is all
about my choices and courses of action/inaction.
We have ourselves to thank for where we are in life. Every
decision we make is split. The etymology of the word "decision" will
demonstrate the clarity of its very definition and applicability herein.
I am as guilty as all when I
lament past decisions and the direction in which they've guided me. This is
human nature. Most people never graduate from their adolescent ideals of what
is "right" or "wrong". There is no right or wrong, only the
decision made and its consequence. Grow up and deal with how unsatisfying life
can be at times but take appropriate responsibility. Be realistic and
understand that no matter the intentions or actions of someone else, you only
have yourself to hold as the responsible party. This is not to say that good
wishes or someone's prayer or thoughts can't be accepted, but they do nothing
but offer temporary solace. Action requires effort. Passive effort is
balderdash and essentially meaningless. When someone offers "comfort from
their couch", graciously nod and maybe smile, but take it for what it is.
When you offer help to someone,
make sure it's something of use. A hug is nice, but only emotionally useful
until the embrace ends. If you want to help a hungry person, give them food. If
you care, in any capacity, do something viable. Let's be honest, it's human to
act out of wants and needs. You don't go to the grocer and expect to have
surgery, as you wouldn't go to the surgeon and ask for a loaf of bread. We are
what we bring to the proverbial table.
If you want to learn how to
build a bridge, learn architecture, engineering, and construction. It doesn't
mean you'll ever actually build one, but again that's up to the individual. I
spend hours reading and learning new skills or simply knowledge almost every
day. Knowledge is a good beginning step, but only useful when applied to skill
and utilized through productive action. This will usually require sincere
dedication and years of effort.
Good examples are my friends and
colleagues who engage in artistic endeavors. These are performers, actors,
singers, and other such talent. I cannot say that all of them are particularly
proficient in their chosen artistic endeavor, but they have managed to create a
positive situation out of the skill of self-promotion and have turned their
ability and artistic talents into a viable "resource" that people
consume. I commend this as they have acted based on a vision that was
self-motivated. I've also noticed that they, intentionally or not, surround
themselves with people who offer something toward their success, and tolerate
little else (save for the few that are ego motivated who enjoy the glory as
much, if not more than, the financial benefits). I don't deny the entertainer
their share of ego-based indulgence, as this is something that allows them to
be more creative in future performances and continue to please the audience. To
wit, the performer's "job" is to please the audience. Each successful
performance will lead to the next.
I have used performers as an
example due to my close work with many, as a talent agent, since 2008. This
example can be applied to any job or function. First responders are constantly
training to improve their awareness and effectiveness. Doctors, lawyers, and
other professionals undergo continuing education as a means of development and
often to maintain their professional license or certification to operate within
their profession.
The best salesmen are the ones
who close the deal plain and simple. Certainly, there are skills and talents
required to sell, such as being attentive to your client’s needs and/or
desires, but the salesman knows the only thing that matters for success in
their profession is turning potential into action – the close.
You need to bring what people
want or need, and if you cannot or haven't yet adopted a skill, then acquiesce,
and learn a way to make yourself useful. Always find the best fit between what
you offer and what the recipient wants. Otherwise, you spend most of your time
being unsatisfied and frustrating others.
